Going to My Happy Place
Maybe your happy place, like dear Homer's, is the land of chocolate. If that works, then go with it!
This morning I met with a class of first graders to talk about dealing with anger. I have a particular affinity for this population of humans, largely because of their utter transparency and their ability to completely and immediately give themselves over to imagination.
They put these charming abilities to good use when we started talking about how to calm down in frustrating situations. One technique I suggested was thinking about a calming, happy time or place and imagining themselves there. They were all over this. One girl said she pictures herself playing with her three dogs and “making them really happy.” A little boy shared how he imagines himself playing baseball and immediately feels better. Another student gave my favorite answer: “I picture myself in a land made entirely of candy!” Yes!
Sometimes I try to avoid daydreams. They tend to leave me longing for things that are just not possible at this juncture. But remembering happy times and dreaming about future happy times is also a bold declaration of optimism and hope, two things that I am actively channelling right now.
What is happier than cruising through ancient ruins on a rusty old bike?
So this afternoon I’ve been thinking about some of my happiest places. Having a few happy places ready for when stress or frustration kick in seems like a really good idea, even for a grown up like me.
Lucky for me, one of my happy places is pretty common in my current life situation–napping with my tiny child resting on my chest, snoring her raspy little snore right in my ear. It’s an utterly calming, hope-infusing, heart-lifting experience, even in memory.
Another sweet, happy memory that takes me to a place of calm almost immediately is the trip to Mexico that Kevin and I took two years ago, which I wrote about before here. It was an absolutely crazy time, with Kevin’s job in a state of wild transition and we almost didn’t go. But at the last minute we just decided, “What the heck! This stuff will be here when we get back!” and hopped on the plane. Of that precious, restful, wonderful week, my favorite memory is of riding our bikes through the ruins of Coba. Every time I think about that experience I am thankfully aware of how great life can be. I’m in my happy place.
So what about you, dear readers? Do you have a happy place that you escape to in your mind when life is overwhelming? Share it with us! Don’t be shy!
Vicarious Travel
Last night I was reminded once again how fun it can be to talk with friends about their travel plans. My friend Laurie and her daughter are considering a mother-daughter trip to Europe this spring. We chatted enthusiastically during a girls’ night out about the possibilities, the places, the pros & cons of various countries. And I think we both loved every moment of it! Of course, I had to share with her my favorite destination in Tuscany that I think would be perfect for them, but whether they go there or not, it’s just fun to dream with her.
While I’m sure I would prefer to actually be on a trip than just hear about it, it’s amazing how enjoyable it can be to live vicariously through other people’s travels. (It’s also stress free and doesn’t cost a buck!) Especially if someone is really enthusiastic and/or they’re visiting an area that I am personally interested in.
Helping people plan their trips is one of my favorite past times. Now I must clarify that I have never helped someone plan a trip to Asia–you’d have to check with my sister Chrissi for that continent, as I’ve sadly never been there myself–but anything Europe gets me pumped up!
But even hearing about people’s trips after the fact is great fun. Seeing vacation pictures, videos, photo albums allows you to relive the memories they created (mostly just the good parts) and really put yourself in their shoes.
A year or two ago, our friends Kelly & Eli returned from a multi-month trek through Australia & New Zealand. They’re wilderness buffs and he’s a professional videographer, so sitting through the TWO-HOUR video recap was like watching Planet Earth guest starring two of our best friends. So fun!
A little while before that, a bunch of us got together for a slide show presentation with lively commentary from our friend Autumn who had traveled to Israel and is very interested in Middle Eastern history, archaeology and culture. That felt like attending a National Geographic lecture, hosted by a cute little lady in a friend’s living room. Hearing people talk about their passions is incredible. So educational!
And then of course, there’s looking through friends photo books and comparing notes on a shared destination, like Justin & Leigh-Anne’s newlywed Germany-Austria tour several years back. Seth and I would go to several of the same spots a year later, so their book inspired us to learn more about the area. So inspirational!
I’m human so every now and then I inevitably feel a twinge of wistful longing that it could be me (do we call that guilt?). 
But mostly, hearing about people’s travels when I’m grounded at home is a neat way to connect with them, learn more about this amazing world, and titilate my imagination.
As chance would have it, we’ll share dinner with each of the above three mentioned friend-couples tonight! Perhaps there will be some talk of past or future travel plans.
So next time a friend of yours has a big trip on the horizon, show a little interest. I bet they’ll be delighted to share (because few people ask, it seems). And you just might be glad you paused to listen!
Happy (Vicarious) Travels to you!
A Mother’s Pride: Wanderlust
“No, house, Momma! No, house! Stay, car!” A common plea that Mary often asserts as soon as we get within a few blocks of our home. She wants some adventure before settling down into the evening routine. I tend to agree with her.
Beautiful Mary came into our family almost exactly ten years after Kevin and I married. A big reason we waited so long to expand our little family unit is that we have both really enjoyed the freedom of childlessness. And I like to think we took full advantage of it while we had it, living on three continents, traveling extensively, and havin loads of fun.
So when Mary came into our life, I was a little nervous about how it would change our lifestyle. To be honest, some people really made it sound horrible, like we’d have to say good-bye to all of our friends, like we’d no longer be able to muster even a smidgen of adventure. And since we didn’t really know better, we half-believed them.
Maybe it’s good that we prepared for the worst. Especially because in the beginning, when that tiny person was reeling from all the changes life had suddenly thrown at her, it seemed like the doomsday-ers were right. So we hunkered down, reminisced about previous adventures, and waited to see what would happen next.
Well, Mary, happened. And once that little munchkin started feeling like herself again, it became clear that she had no intention of letting us sit around at home. Never have I met a two-year-old more determined to get out there and rub elbows with the masses. It has actually become one of the motivators we use with her. “Now, Mary, when you finish your breakfast, we’re going get in the car and go to the store.” Suddenly, she’s hungry.
I must admit that I am enormously pleased with this aspect of my little daughter. When we’re sitting around snuggling at 7:00 on a weeknight and she looks at me with pleading eyes and says, “Dep Dep?” (her term for “car”, one of the few words left over from her previous life) I beam with pride. It’s sort of a silly thing to be happy about, I guess, but for someone with my level of wanderlust, sharing it with the second closest person in my life is a pretty great thing.
In a few weeks, we’ll test her car-loving ways with a road trip down to Palm Springs. Spending multiple hours strapped to her car seat will undoubtedly be too much for the little person, but I know that as soon as we get there, she will be ready for just about anything.
I am so thankful that we were given a child who loves to get out, explore, see new sites, and keep on driving. It makes a mother proud.
Weekend Challenge #29: Keep Moving!
In keeping with Chrissi’s post on winter recreation earlier this week (Snow), I want to encourage us all to keep moving this winter.
It is natural to adjust our physical activity level in the winter, with the shorter daylight hours and colder weather. Throughout human history and still today in cultures that are tied to the land through farming, the winter months have been for slowing down, coming inside, focusing on different activities, and giving the land (and the body) a season of rest. Even elite athletes use winter as an off season to rejuvenate their bodies through cross training.
But we need to be careful not to allow our physical fitness to completely lapse during the winter. Staying active by continuing to play outdoors when the weather allows, visiting the gym you pledged to frequent more on January 1, or even popping in a Pilates DVD and stretching on your living room floor are all important to your health. Physically and mentally, don’t you feel a sense of well being when you know your body is fit and ready for the challenges you bring it? And spring is around the corner (please, oh please!), when we’ll all want to get outside more to enjoy the warming weather. Will we be reaady?
I usually like to run on the trails in the spring, summer, and fall. But I’ve been taking an intentional “gentle” season that includes daily walks and bi-weekly Pilates sessions at my gym. I couldn’t go out and run a half-marathon right now, but that’s okay.
Right now, I’m looking at the clear blue skies and snow-covered field out our front window. It looks stunning and inviting, but my computer tells me that it is -6 F out there. That is WAY to cold to be out, in my opinion! So this morning I’m going to meet my friend Erin for a little work out session at her gym. I hope it’s well heated.
Wherever you find yourself this weekend and this winter, we encourage you to take us up on Weekend Challenge #30: Keep Moving!
As always, we’d love to hear from you in the Comments section–how are you working that beautiful body of yours this weekend?
Snow Can Be OK if You’re With Someone Awesome
When the weather is cold and the ground is covered in snow, it’s easy for me to get into a funk. I am a cold weather sissy despite my hearty northwest upbringing, but I am also someone who needs to be active in order to avoid perpetual sadness. This puts me in a bit of a situation right about now when the high temp for the day is 30 and the white stuff won’t stop falling.
Lucky for me, my two year old is a snow fanatic, despite spending her first two years on the equator. And it is because of her that I am not currently in the throes of seasonal depression.
I’ve decided to take some cues from my tiny friend and learn to enjoy snow the best I can. For me, life is too crazy and I am too unmotivated to really take on a snow sport, which is probably the best way to make it through winter in Bend, OR. But that’s OK, because Mary’s style of snow enjoyment is much more relaxed, spontaneous and cheap.
Here are some tips from Mary on how to enjoy snow this winter:
1) Just walking in snow can be a fun activity. Being two, Mary still finds joy and pride in her ability to walk. Add to that basic pleasure the strange, unpredictable textures of walking on snow and ice and you’ve got a full-on exciting adventure. The key to this translating to my much older self is excellent footwear. While I love my heels and pretty shoes, when I want to walk on snow for fun, it’s gotta be in snow boots. With Mary laughing and celebrating beside me, I always have a good time.
2) Snow is the most delicious snack available. On a sledding trip back in December, Mary received a tutorial in snow-eating from her fellow toddler friend, Lilah. Since then, snow has become by far her favorite treat. I have to watch her like a hawk to keep her from digging into the brown piles stuck to the back of my wheel well. But when we do find a nice, fresh, clean section of snow, I must admit that I’ll indulge with her. And it always makes both of us laugh.
3) Sledding is cheap, exciting and requires virtually no planning. Mary is a bit of a thrill seeker, so she loves to really get moving on a sled. I love that we don’t have to drive anywhere far or really do any planning at all to get out there. It makes me feel like a kid and like a tourist (two of my favorite feelings). And it does make me almost love snow.
4) When feeling less ambitious, there’s nothing wrong with just staring out the window and yelling at the snow. During snowy days, when we’re at home, I’ll open the curtains so Mary can watch the snow fall. And I’m not kidding you, she will watch for a long time. The best part is when her scratchy little voice gets extra loud and she starts just yelling, “Snow! Snow!” while pointing at the individual flakes as they fall.
While I’d still love a quick trip to Australia right about now, and am actively anticipating heading to Palm Springs in March, I am so thankful for the little munchkin who reminds me constantly just how much fun right now can be. Especially when it’s snowing.
Travel Blunder Trip Report
Sometimes, I strongly dislike travel.
Like last night, when I was up until almost midnight with last-minute packing preparations.
And this morning (if you can call it that), when our alarm went off at 3:55 am so I could get to the airport in time. (Walked straight through security and onto my plane…felt a little smug, I admit.)
Then there was this afternoon, when I realized I was waiting at the wrong gate for the final leg of my 11 hour journey. (That was an unpleasant surprise. But no worries, I can run from Terminal C to Terminal A in time.)
And my stress level really skyrocketed when I arrived at the right gate, with 5 minutes to spare, and realized that my laptop had disappeared. (Panic time! Voice pitch goes screetchy. Fight or flight instinct kicks in. Tear duct pressure building.)
But it got worse as I sputtered my story to the two gate agents, only to be completely ignored by them for 4 minutes. (How could they not understand my durress? Why are they acting like I’m not there?! Is this seriously happening right now?)
So as I sprinted away from my gate–with one full minute remaining before it would close me out forever–and as I briefly considered the painfully long line at Customer Service, and as I searched for the precious missing luggage, I distinctly remember thinking, “Airport travel sucks.” and “I am an idiot.”
In the end, I found the laptop, I missed the plane, I cried to the poor Customer Service guy, I booked a flight for Friday morning, and then I sat in a bathroom stall and cried for a few more minutes.
But the travel blundering was not over yet. After all of that, I even took the wrong hotel shuttle and ended up wasting nearly an hour at the not-my-Marriott.
So yah, I was not on my A-game today, folks. I generally love to travel and find fun in nearly every aspect of it. But some days, I think I should’ve just stayed home. Today was a baaad travel day.
As I type this, it’s 11pm here in DC and I just scheduled a 5:00 wake-up-call. That’s 2:00 am to my body. I have another early flight to catch and presentations to give tomorrow.
It can only get better from here… Right?!
Signing off,
Your travel-trouble-blunder-blogger pal.
Right Now is Enough
Kevin and I in Hong Kong in 2003, during more nomadic times
Like any good thing, the love of travel can become a problem. I know this because I see how my own wanderlust sometimes has a negative impact on my focus, my attitude, and my perspective about the life I have chosen.
While experiencing different cultures and seeing remarkable sites can be broadening, maturing, and life changing, it can also be a bit addictive. And to make travel the central focus of one’s life requires a lifestyle that I really don’t desire. Sometimes I feel stuck between what I want and, well, what I want.
Interestingly, this topic came up last night as I was with a wonderful group of people discussing values. A dear friend of mine who is from New Zealand talked about her conflicting values of the importance of family and the need to follow her dreams. Right now, she is thousands of miles away from her family, following her dreams, and more than a little ambivalent about her choices. This got me thinking about how my own values, goals, and desires come up against each other. I see this most clearly in the mutual exclusion of two passions I hold dear: my love of travel and my desire to be connected and committed to a community.
Living in the Philippines was amazing but I also remember being so lonely. The great trade-off.
For years, Kevin and I lived in the Philippines and traveled much of Asia. It was interesting and challenging and adventurous. It was also lonely.
Now, our lives are thoroughly settled and I do love it. I am close, both emotionally and geographically, to my parents and my sister. I have a supportive, interesting group of friends. I have a job that allows me to make a positive impact on my most beloved hometown. I have a beautiful little girl who is thriving amidst all of this love, stability and support. Life is good.
And yet my heart sometimes aches for a life that’s a bit more nomadic, with less ties, less responsibilities, and more opportunities for the unknown to jump in and shake things up.
That is, of course, where this blog comes in. Our goal here isn’t so much to hone our writing skills or entertain our friends as it is to maintain a sense of adventure in our hearts even as the lives we have chosen tend to be more defined by rhythm than excitement. And there is always the hope that the lives we are building will at some point lend themselves more to the wandering without the loss of community. A girl can dream, right?
But for now, right here, the life I have right now, is enough. And I will choose to be in it, to celebrate it and maximize it rather than waste it yearning for something else.
We Love You
Today we’re not writing a “normal” Find the Found post about discovering our world with fresh eyes. Today I want to write about a treasure Chrissi and I have encountered through this blog.
Thinking of YOU with love!
That special discovery, which makes this blog so rewarding to us, is YOU!
Thank you for reading Find the Found and gracing this little virtual community with your presence. We cherish your thoughts and perspectives shared in the comments section. Each one is a little outpouring of love in its own way. We look forward to continuing the conversation with you in the months to come.
Happy Valentine’s Day to our wonderful readers!
With much love,
Jenni & Chrissi
Weekend Challenge #28: Let’s Get Emotional
When she's happy, you know it.
My two-year-old just quit crying. Finally. It’s an impressive and terrible show when she really gets going, which, given her age, is pretty often. The raw, unapologetic, bold display of emotion she demonstrates several times daily would leave me wrecked for weeks were I to express myself similarly. Yet as soon as she is done with her weeping, writhing, yelling and screaming, she is back to her funny, loving, happy little self. And I have to admit, I admire it.
To me, there is something really beautiful about the toddler tantrum (always in retrospect, never in the moment). These little people are just incredible about getting all of their emotions out and moving on. When they are disappointed, they simply throw themselves on the ground and yell about it. Then they’re over it. We so-called mature adults tend to quietly brew for weeks over things that bother us, letting them seep out on those we love in a way that’s far less honest and far more destructive.
Considering all that’s going on with my besty, and all the pain and disappointment that just comes with life on this crazy, unpredictable planet, I am deciding to behave more like my toddler from now on.
No, you won’t see me beating the ground with my fists at the department store when they’re out of my size. Nor will I scream “No!” at Kevin when he says it’s time to go to bed. But I would like to be more straightforward in my dealing with the many emotions I experience.
When I’m sad, I’m going to cry about it! When I’m happy, I’ll laugh and cheer! I don’t want to keep watering down, delaying and denying the things I feel because I’m afraid that people will misinterpret me, or because I think that’s what being a grown up is.
So this weekend, let us be less mature, a tad more impulsive, maybe even a little obnoxious. Let us yell “Yay!” at the top of our lungs when we get good news (one of Mary’s favorites). Let us cry, laugh, mourn and celebrate with more enthusiasm! And, most importantly, let’s really show love for those we love.
Kids are the best at that.
Friendship Built on Miles
Recent news about the health of my and Chrissi’s beloved sister-friend has lent us a fresh Perspective and reminded us how much we cherish that relationship. Aside from her absolute amazingness that instantly endears anyone who meets Erin to her, one of many factors that has built our special bond of friendship is the journeys we’ve taken together through the years.
Erin, Chrissi & Jenni in Disneyland, circa 1999
I believe that travel intensifies relationships. It creates a special bond through shared experiences, memories, discoveries, and interdependence that leads to an understanding of one another that might not otherwise exist.
That sounds lovely, but haven’t we all experienced the negative ways travel can affect friendships, too? Your companion’s cute quirky habit can begin to drive you insane after days on the road together. But even inworking through our conflicts, new appreciation and a closer bond can come. Nonetheless, some personality combinations work better than others for travelling together. (And Erin + Me + Sis is a great combination!)
Some of my favorite travel memories thus far with Erin include:
- Summer trips to Kah-Nee-Tah Resort in the mid-90′s. We three girls felt so independent, packing our bags and cruising across the dessert in the old Volvo. Then we would stuff ourselves with Indian Fry Bread and float around in the hot spring pool, go “dork diving”, and race up and down the corridor on luggage carts before falling asleep on the floor of Erin’s parents’ spare room.
- Visiting Chrissi at college in spring of ’99. While Erin and I were still in high school, we escaped one spring break from small-town Oregon to visit Chrissi in Southern California. Cool college boys, a Pedro the Lion concert, a day at the Happiest Place on Earth, an orange grove picnic, and San Diego’s Mission Beach. Our world was enlarged and we were thoroughly ready to graduate high school after this fun trip!
Erin & Jenni in the City of Lights
- Three weeks in France with our French class later that year took our friendship to a new altitude. We laughed, ate, played, and “Frenglished” our way through that gorgeous country and brought home stories to relive together indefinitely. (I wrote about the trip here French Love Affair.)
The Other Two in the Oregon Cascades last summer
- Countless mini-adventures camping, hiking, swimming, canoeing, running, snowshoeing through nature’s playground in the Bend area the past 15 years. Enjoying together the rugged beauty of creation braids a friendship together, whether diving into a cold mountain lake and yelping for the cold, or summitting Tumalo Mountain at midnight and singing in the New Year with the stars glittering above us and the city lights shimmering far below us.
Even one of our most recent attempts at adventure with the Other Two taught me how to Find Joy in Misadventures. And maybe that’s where the “life is a journey” metaphor ceases to be theory.
Just as our road trips and airplane travels braided our three-strand friendship together, they also prepared us to walk together through the joys and challenges life has and will continue to bring our way. We’ve already covered a lot of miles together already…and we’re ready for more!
Jenni
Chrissi
